Getting Past 'No' - Parents Talk

Just read an interesting and timely article on getting past 'No' answers from Kids...Hope it will be really really helpful for the parents who have demanding kids..(simply...must read for all parents :))

"When your toddler falls in love with the word "no," it can feel like you've run straight into a brick wall. Here are some tips from BabyCenter parents on how to get your toddler past "No!" and on to whatever it is you need him to do.

Offer limited choices
We like the idea of giving choices within boundaries. For example, with our 22 month old, Noah, if he says he is hungry, I might say "Okay, lets have a piece of fruit. Would you like a banana or grapes?" That way he is making the choice, and the choice is a healthy one. — Adrienne

I have a 2-year-old son, and "No" with a high-pitched whine is his favorite way of answering any question. Then I try to change the situation for both of us. If the problem is taking a bath, I tell him he has a choice: He can either take his bath and play with his toys, or go to bed. He chooses the bath every time. I think the answer is to give him choices that I can live with, but choices nonetheless. — Susanne, Colorado

Respond with humor
My 2 1/2-year-old won't always cooperate — no surprise! For instance, I'll ask him to sit down to eat and he'll say "No!" and laugh, and start dancing around instead. That used to make me mad (okay, it still does), but I try to laugh back and say something like, "What's going on there, Legs? You tell Bottom to sit right in that chair!" That makes him laugh and breaks his defiant mood. — Jan, Minnesota

I'll ask my 19-month-old to pick up his shoes or his dirty clothes and sometimes he says no. Instead of pushing it I start singing Clean Up Song and he hops to it. I try to sing and dance around and show him what I want him to do and he does it. Of course, my husband thinks I'm a little nuts, but I've caught him doing it a time or two also. — Anonymous

One of our strategies with our 2-year-old son is to give him more attention when he starts saying "no" to everything, and make it funny. We ask him a string of questions, each more ridiculous than the last, to which he can answer "no." "Do you want broccoli with mustard?" "No!" "Do you want peanut butter and pickles?" "No!" Eventually he is laughing, and we just move on and do whatever it was he said no to while his guard is still down. — Diane, California

Turn tasks into games
I try to deal with stubbornness by making the task seem more fun. Going potty before leaving the house can be an endless battle in our home, so now we "fly" our 2 1/2-year-old son to the bathroom. By the time we get there, he is laughing and having so much fun he is willing to go potty. — Lisa, Washington

It was always a struggle to get my toddler to brush her teeth. Three things finally worked for us, introduced in this order: 1) Raffi's song "You brush your teeth" on Singable Songs for the Very Young, which we've played several times a day because it's on an album Shaela loves; 2) watching us brush, without asking her to do it or letting her do it herself — magical combination of adult modeling and forbidden fruit, I guess; and 3) a baby toothpaste called Baby's First that tastes good and is okay for her to swallow. — Mita, Ontario, Canada

My 2-year-old would never cooperate at toothbrushing time. "No!" she'd yell, and clamp her mouth closed, even when given her Teletubby toothbrush and tasty kid-style toothpaste. Now I don't tell her to brush her teeth but to roar like a lion, as loud as she can. She loves doing this and doesn't mind that I slip the toothbrush in and give her a good brushing while she roars. — Mary, Illinois

Use reverse psychology
When I have heard one "no" too many from my 2 1/2-year-old son, reverse psychology always seems to work. I just say, "Oh, okay then, I'll do it by myself." He always chimes right in with that fierce independence and says, "No, I will do it by my big self!" And he does. — Barbre, New Jersey

When my toddler doesn't want to take time away from her busy schedule to go potty, I say, "Don't you go potty!" Then when she does, I say, "Oh, you went potty!" and tickle her and make it a game. — Monica, Nebraska

Get his full attention
A recent visit with our associate pastor gave us a new strategy. When asking Matthew, age 3, to do something (get dressed, pick up his toys), we place our hands on each of his arms and look right into his eyes before asking him to do the task at hand. He knows that we mean business! It really gets his attention and cooperation. — Dale and Julie

Take turns
Our daughter Dayna is 2 years old and wants to do everything herself. When I ask her to do something, like get out of her car seat after I've unbuckled her, I give her some time to do it herself (a few seconds). Then if she's not moving quickly enough, I tell her it's now her turn, but if she doesn't do it, then it'll be my turn. If she still doesn't move, I begin counting to 10 — then she knows how much time she has. Sometimes I make it fun by speeding up the count toward the end, or telling her that the last time she did it in eight seconds, to encourage her to beat her previous record. If she still hasn't completed her task, then I tell her it's my turn and I move toward her. Usually that's all it takes. — Carey, Arizona

Don't bother to fight it
My daughter Madison, recently 2, has fallen right into the "no" habit, and she's very good at it. When she says no to changing her diaper or eating or getting dressed, whatever it may be, I simply say, "Okay, then, Mommy will go wash the dishes," and I leave the room. It doesn't take more than five seconds for her to start calling me back, and then she's ready for whatever it is we need to do. — Anonymous

Take advantage of "Me do it!"
My daughter is 26 months old. She always used to be eager to help us do things, and would happily respond when we said, "Mommy / Daddy wants to (do whatever it is), so you can you please help?" So now when she's feeling independent and wants to say no to everything, we say instead, "Show Mommy / Daddy that Sher Lene can do (whatever it is) all by herself." That works! — Maggie, Malaysia

Help them learn through teaching
My 3-year-old eggs his little brother on in doing things he knows they shouldn't, and he won't cooperate when we tell him to stop. So now when they do something like start climbing on the kitchen table or jumping on our bed, we'll say to him, "Can you show your little brother where we can climb?" or "Ben, I need you to teach Alex the rules about jumping on the furniture." Then he's proud to be the big boy who knows the rules. — Katie, California

Try alternate phrasing
I have a very busy 3-year-old son, Dustin. When he says "No!" to me, I try to reword what I said in a way that makes it sound better to him, so he'll say yes. Example: "Dustin, it's time to pick up your toys." "No!" "Okay, Dustin, do you want to vacuum?" (He loves to vacuum.) "Yeah." "Then you need to pick up your toys so you can vacuum." — Lisa, Nevada"

Reading to babies

Reading is an interesting activity to adults and effective time pass along with knowledge gain. Reading to babies is also very effective. It improves babies communication skills, vocabulary, social development and of course bonding between parents. American association of Pediatrics suggests 30 min daily reading to new born. Though their brains are very fresh, sensitive and not fully developed, he will be able to understand the repeated words/rhymes/music easily as he grows. As a book lover, we would like to develpo reading habit to 'Adharsh' and everyday we read books of pictures/numbers/story for 10-15 mts to him which is very relaxing for both. As babies have short time concentration ability, you can plan for different intervals too.

While we were searching for reading tips to babies, came across this article on baby reading, which is very informative and useful...Reading is the best way of spending time with babies....plan, enjoy and relax

Baby Physical Development

New borns visibility is very limited and only objects @ 6 inches distance will be visible to them till 6 weeks. Look at very close for your baby to notice you. New born get attracted to bright colors - red, orange mostly..black, white too. So wear some bright color clothes if you want your baby to stare at you. It could also improve your baby's focusing skill. Go for different flashy, bright colors for you baby to experience different colors of life. Vision power starts improving from week 1 and when the whole world is visible to them, they start enjoy spending time with you and you can easily recognize their mood with lot of squealing and smiling... Your baby squealing time is not very far...look for it...

Are you worrying that your baby is not turning towards toys and entertain himself. New born babies love to follow people first especially they enjoy looking at what mom and dad are doing. Encourage him to follow your hand by slowly moving your hand on sides. This would be good sign of exercise for his cuttie eyes. When they grow(crawling), they will get to know the world around you and give you free time(some:))) )

Your baby language skill is developing from day one by hearing your voice more often and from the people around you. They start making single vowel sounds like 'aa' during 3-4 months..Most of the babies start with their own language 'dha dha dha' sound after 6-7 months

Feeding....Shhhhhhhhh

If you are planning to breastfeed the baby, breastfeed as soon as possible after delivery. This may sound not very serious to you at first, but its really really important for babies to get to learn sucking and feeding. Once the bottle is introduced, babies tend to prefer bottles and may reject breast as its easy to get milk from bottle and no much effort is required(I swear, babies are that lazy ..:)).. So keep in mind to feed at the earliest after your baby is born

Feeding in initial weeks
Never ever introduce bottle in the initial weeks (until it becomes atmost necessary or suggested by doctor. You have to know that 2-3 drops of milk is sufficient for new born for the initial few days(until your milk comes in ). Till then, dont be tempted to feed the baby thru bottle by thinking that you are not getting enough milk . Experts say, every mother can produce the amount of milk her baby needs.

Feeding out
Some babies intially(may be first couple of times) dont show intrest in feeding outside. Babies get more tired and exhausted than at home because of being exposed to different people, shades, views. Outside world is a learning experience for your baby and babies do learn a lot in every visit. So plan for a single stop for some weeks that works better both for you and baby. Make sure to remember the timings. If you tend to forget, set alarm for every 2-2.5 hrs or look for crankiness in baby

Top listed diaper bag items

1. Diaper (of course, this has to be the first)
2. Changing pad
3. Baby wipes
4. Breast milk/Formula
5. Water(to mix formula)
6. Bottles
7. Flask(to hold the water warm)
8. Washcloths/Bibs
9. Extra dress(if your baby surprise you with some sprays on diaper change. Top rated item during initial weeks)
10. Moisturizer
11. Sanitizer

Its bathing time baby !!!!

New born do not need bathing very often except the diaper area since they dont get much dirty. They are not exposed to outside air and their body remain clean and soft. You can give sponge bath till the cord cuts off on its own(but make sure the cord area is dry and clean) and continue later with normal bath.

Experts say washing daily make babies skin more dry. Babies may cry for the first few baths because of new experience. Dont get overwhelmed on hearing other babies enjoy bathing. After a few trials, babies do enjoy bathing ....really they do enjoy.. You would see soon your baby squealing and enjoy looking his face @ mirror during bathing.

After bathing your baby, wrap her in towel immediately so that he doesnt get cold. Pat her dry thoroughly and carefully reaching all folds and creases.

Many young babies dislike being undressed as it gives unsecure feeling and distressed the feeling of exposure to air. Dress on fast by singing and talking to the baby...You can do your job when they are distracted. :)

Bath time needs
1. Bath tub
2. Sponge - 2 ( to clean eyes)
3. Head to toe
4. Baby shampoo (for hair wash)
5. Water and Cup
6. Wash cloth
6. Bath time toys(if your baby welcomes)

Handling your baby

Generally parents to be would be very afraid to handle and pick a new born since the baby's body is more fragile and unbalanced. Dont be scary though. Key point in handling a baby is to provide support to baby's head....Just pick your baby gently, slowly with having support all over his body..All done and hold your baby close to you, talk soothingly. Having physical contact will benefit your baby in experiencing the sensation of touch

Another activity which is very important and helpful in improving your baby's muscles is tummy time. Tummy time is must from the first week for 5-10 mts daily. This will give opportunity for babies to move their arms and legs in crawling position and its a very good source for improving their motor skills. Remember that babies who spend most of their time in tummy could roll over in 4-5 months and crawl easily. Do keep your video cam handy to capture your baby's first roll over(though its highly impossible since it will be unexpected and fast).

All babies love to be cuddled as they grow up as they need the reassuring and loving care from the parents. Cuddle, Hug, kiss whenever you can which ensure a strong bond. Enjoy cuddling and hug time...........

Rashes

Many babies develop a skin rash called eczema which may be itchy and irritating. It can be red, blotchy or white bumps mainly on face, neck or anywhere in the body. Pediatricians advise to apply 1% hydrocortisone over the counter ointment every day as a treatment. Some rashes lasts only for a couple of days and vanish suddenly. Rashes are quite usual in babies which will go away on its own. You can try applying moisturizer in the rash area too. If no improvement is seen after the home treatment, take pediatricians advise

Reflexes

New born will have many reflexes and will go way in periods of time. But reflexes will get over with activities in purpose sequentially. For example, you may get excited to feel your baby grabs your finger at first. But its purely a reflex and not on purpose. Your baby will start grabbing your finger in months time after the reflexes get over.

Rooting/Sucking reflex - Your baby will instinctively turn his head towards the direction of your finger when you stroke his cheek
Crawling reflex - Your baby will take up a crawling position when he's placed on the tummy position
Walking/Stepping reflex - When you hold your baby in the upright position with his feets in a firm surface, he will move his legs in walking position
Moro reflex - When your baby's drop back, he will throw his limbs with fingers outstretched, and then fall back slowly towards the body
Grasp reflex - If you keep any object or fingers in his palm, you will be surprised to feel the tight grasp

New born

Soon after delivery, your baby will be examined, his weight, length, head circumference will be measured in order to form a baseline against for assessing his future development. Here is the average chart(subjected to variations)

Average Birth weight - 5 pounds 8 ounces - 9 pounds 12 ounces(2.5 kg - 4.5 kg)
Average Legnth - 19 - 20 inches(48-51 cms)
Average head circumference - 14 inches(35 cms)

Fontanelle - This is the soft spot on babys head. You may notice 2-3 soft spots(front, middle, back). It is the space where the skull bones have not yet joined until your baby is 2 yrs old. Fontanelle allows the soft skull bones to mold and squeeze without damage to babys brain as the head passes thru birth canal. No special care is needed but dont be tempted to press hard.

Life with baby

In the initial weeks, you will be held up with diapering, feeding every 2-3 hrs and no wonder to see a over tired parents struggling to cope up their daily schedules and activities. But very soon, you would be able to plan your activities and execute effectively.

New born behaviors
Sounds - New born lungs are very shallow and breathing will be shallow. It may be fast, irregular and produce some strange sounds
Sneezing - New born are sensitive to bright lights and may sneeze whenever they open eyes for the first few days. Sneezing doesnt mean that babies have cold. Its just that their noses are very sensitive. Sneezing also helps in clearing out the dirt from nasal passages
Hiccups - New born hiccup quite a lot in the initial weeks which is very normal and not to be alarmed and it should not be a concern for parents. Its caused by sudden irregular contractions of the diaphragm and the muscles involved in respiration are getting stronger and trying to work in harmony.
Passing Gas - Passing gas loudly is perfectly normal as the digestive system are not fully developed in babies. They will pass more quietly and less frequently when it gets developed fully. So dont get noticed by the sounds then and there.
Poo poo - You can expect a life very soon with cleaning your baby's poo poo on every diaper change. When we first noticed our nurse in the hospital changed our baby's diaper without a fuss, we never turned head off for changing our baby's diaper then. Get used to it ...thats the best way ;)
Wet Diapers - Expect 6-8 during the first 3-4 months. It is always required to change diaper every 2-3 hrs, keep your baby comfortable, clean(though poo diapers require immediate attention)

Tip :

1. Always watch for baby sprays on diaper change. You can always expect the unexpected..especially on night time when you were sleepy and expecting more sleep, because babies do not know nights and days...they just spray, giggle at you and say 'hey mommy , clean it quick'..Better be quick in changing diapers and have some extra diapers handy always.
2. Always sing, make faces which would distract babies while changing diapers (make your life easy !!!!)
3. Diaper rash - You can notice a big improvement even if you keep open, air dry your baby's diaper area even for 5 mts. Make it as a routine till it vanishes.

Umbilical Cord

During pregnancy, umbilical cord supplies nutrients and oxygen to the developing babies fom mom and since it is not needed after birth, it is clamped. Parents would be asked to give only sponge bath to babies till it is fallen off by itself since it is required to keep the area dry and clean. Normally it would take 10-20 days to fall off on its own. Dont be tempted to pull off but keep lookingfor the day to pull off on its own. Cord on the little ones belly reminds you the bonding between you and your baby. Its really amazing and miraculous to remember the day when the dad cut the cord from the mom and gives baby's first breathe outside the womb. Clamped cord will not be painful to the baby as it is sensless..So no worries ..keep enjoying

Cradle Cap

You could notice a scaling on baby forehead in the initial week which is called Cradle cap. its a thick yellow encrustation on the scalp, mainly occurs in babies although children upto the age of three can have it.
The yellow scales appear in small patches or can cover the entire scalp. Cradle cap may look unsighlty but its quite harmless unless it is accompanied by red, scaly areas elsewhere on your baby's body in which case your baby may have seborrehic eczema. Its very normal in babies to have flakes on hair which is caused due to hormonal imbalance. This can be treated by gently rubbing the hair with a soft bristle brush to loosen the scales and washing the hair frequently(two/three times a week after the cord is fallen off).

Night wake up

During the initial weeks, babies wake up every 2-3 hrs in the night..Even if the baby is sleepy, parents are advised to wake the babies(especially breastfed) every 2-3 hrs since babies stomach is tiny and it can empty soon. Formula fed babies can sleep upto 3-4 hrs after a month or so. Some babies make it as a habit to wake up in the night for feeding, After 6 months, it was suggested by our pediatrician not to make this habit and even if the baby wakes, soothe him by a pat.

Remember that babies love to be in the hands of parents(or caretakers) and enjoy the warmth of the body...Since their uterus life was warm and not exposed to outside air, they love to enjoy the same warmth in parents. They can easily asleep when you keep them close with your body but when you put him in the crib, they would open the eyes all of a sudden. Babies could continue their sleep in crib if you dont remove your hands from them immediately after laying him in his crib. Have your hands on the sides or in the chest for a while in the crib so that he feels the warmth still and his sleep is not disturbed by this shift.

"Close your eyes" Baby

Parents would be more nervous on the day of bringing the baby to home. Thoughts about feeding, sleeping, burping, etc roll around their minds and stress up more...But just relax...Its not going to change your entire life...Just a few days ..may be weeks, you have to be really on gears to accommodate your new role into your life and you can easily fit your baby into your life schedule.

The popular quote 'expect the unexpected' quote can fit during labor, but not after delivery. I could say 'Set the expectations' accordingly after delivery...Dont overdo things...Expect to spend all your time in diaper changing, nursing, cuddling etc around the baby..nothing more or less. If the expectations are set properly, exhaustion or frustration would not have any room.

Some babies keep their eyes open during night since it is dark(as same as life in uterus). Babies are not new to dark as they have enjoyed and experienced to this life in uterus. If you are worrying about babies not sleeping in the night, try switching on the lights during night (but dont continue...try to change it slowly). Brightness is strange to new born babies, they could shut their eyes on seeing lights and you can have a good sleep time for a couple of hours.

Get introduced!!!!

Parents-to-be and New parents tend to spend their valuable time in google searching the answers for whatever question runs in their mind at that moment. You can always find new parents sitting in front of computer and reading baby articles, baby discussion forums(anything about baby) and tries all sort of permutations and combinations in search engine to find answers for whatever silly questions they have. It sounds funny but really, its not that simple to take the parental responsibility. Looking after a baby who's very new to this world makes life quite interesting/exciting and its a learning experience for new parents. As new parents, no wonder we also do the same whenever we get around some thoughts. Just thought, why dont we share this experience with others so that everyone can know what is normal/usual and alarm making in baby's world.

In olden days, we were into a joint family culture where you could enjoy living with grand parents, cousins, relatives etc. During those times, growing the baby is very much simpler since we can get all sorts of suggestions, todos, donts from people with past experiences. Though nuclear family has its own advantages, no one can disagree how simpler it would be in joint family. With this nuclear family culture, you're sole responsible for anything that your baby experiences. So, its not surprising that parents world revolves around their baby during first years of baby's life. Just trying to save the precious parents time by summarizing our experiences, ideas and thoughts that we learned from our son 'Adharsh Prajith' durng his first years. But every baby is different and has his/her own development cycle. Anything that you read is a guide and not a bible as only the parents know best of their babies.